Party Invite: Scheduling-in Spontaneity
You have the power to make life exciting.
Dear HB,
I am in my mid-twenties and I’m in bed at 11 p.m. every night like clockwork. Yes, I do get my beauty sleep, but I’m single and I feel like I’m doing my twenties wrong. Aren’t I supposed to be spontaneous? I’m not a complete introvert, but I do struggle to break my post-work routine of going to the gym (sometimes), making dinner, watching tv and going to bed. How do I break out of this cycle and come home at 1 a.m. on occasion without feeling stressed out of my mind?
Sincerely,
26-Year-Old Grandpa
Dear 26-Year-Old Grandpa,
We love love love to denote every single activity, food, person and witch as bad or good. It keeps it easy. But what would happen if this binary was: ‘I enjoy this,’ & ‘I don’t enjoy this’? You can relish staying-in ninety percent of the time and ten percent want to throw on that one pair of shoes and hit the city with a sway about you. Neither has to be bad nor good to the world. Just pleasant to you.
The spirit of youth that you speak of is not about physical ability but an innate understanding that you have the power to make life exciting.
The lifestyle revamp you desire isn’t just for your twenties, it’s for your thirties, forties, fifties and beyond. Not in the lasting memory sense. While I’m sure sharing iconic stories with the youth, passing around your Baggu tote like it’s an artifact is a nice time, I’m talking about putting spontaneity into practice so it becomes a habit for life.
You are in control of every single night of your existence on the Big Rock, you 26-year-old, you. Unless there's a lil fella talking in your ear at 2 a.m. saying, “You must stay in every evening this week or I will fill your shoes with beans.” You might wanna get that checked out if so.
The roadblocks are not only avoidable, they are understandable. When you share a common enemy with others, it’s a whole revolution. You can fight this battle with friends, roommates, coworkers, family members, etc. Just so you know what you’re up against, the culprits are as follows: phone, bank account in pain, phone, living through a pandemic, phone and the lifelong bully that is anxiety.
That’s a lot of enemies. You don’t have to attack all at once. Actually getting a lil sneaky about it a.k.a. ‘slow and steady’ is how you create a lasting habit. Crash dieting spontaneity sounds truly exhausting and unhealthy for your body.
You like routine–that’s okay! You’re not hurting anybody nor creating an unfulfilling life. You just need a hint of sparkle to rev up your self-satisfaction levels. So work within your comfort zone and schedule-in ‘A Cool Weekday’. Yes, it’s a weekday that is cool. That doesn't mean ‘Pound shots. Dance on tables. “Who is he?!?!” type a vibe, but it can. Cool is subjective, thank goodness.
Look inside yourself: what’s really and truly, gosh darn cool to you? Staying true to that answer is where the excited spark happens rather than the anxiety jab as you form the plan. For some sheer inspiration, here are some activities that even Snoopy’s alter ego Joe Cool would find…well…cool.
Activities That Are Cool Within a Reasonable Budget:
FaceTime long-distance friends asking all to bring 1 piece of hot goss and 2 fun facts.
Host a dinner for a pal or potential lover or a pal that could be a potential lover?? Ask them to bring a beverage–that’s hosting 101. Make sure to cook enough for leftovers (meal prep made fun).
Organize an evening around the next full moon by first finding a good hill in your area. Craft an Italian music playlist. Snag a pizza, a bottle of wine and a cutie. Set up shop at sunset. ‘That’s Amore’ night at your service.
Go to a bar for ONE drink at 8 o’clock sharp. Going out never has to be an ‘all or nothing’ affair.
Convince a friend to watch that YouTube dance tutorial with you. Gym class square dancing isn’t exactly the lifelong skill they promised it would be. Pick up some moves that make you feel like a movie star.
Visit the local mall. Walk into Hot Topic. See what happens.
If you need a smaller build-up, go outside at 10 p.m. by yourself (if it feels safe!) and look for the moon. Stare at it for a good minute. This practice is actually quite unconventional, which is why it’s perfect. It makes you do something you don’t usually do, it’s quick, easy AND it makes you present, which is the point of spicing up life in general. A memory shoves its way in there a whole lot deeper when you’re paying attention in the current moment.
Anxiety regarding routine is often driven by time. ‘I need to fall asleep at this hour and this minute otherwise I’ll be in a bad mood tomorrow.’ ‘I can’t drive across town to meet my friend at that time otherwise I won’t eat dinner by 8.’ Actually though, putting in time for activities that matter to us never takes as long as we think. If they do, we either don’t notice because we’re enjoying ourselves too much or we learn and change it up. Remember all that control you have? This is where it comes in.
To think you don’t have enough time, you’re absolutely right. We will never witness enough blue hours, munch on enough fries nor hear enough disco. You can live a longer life by getting a good night’s rest most of the time, but you may as well fill those extended years with a few Thursday night dinner parties that go a lil too late.
Much love and a lil kiss!
HB
Recommending:
Films: Inside Out 2 (June 14 release date), Joy Ride,The Lizzie McGuire Movie & Y tu mamá también
Songs: ‘BREAK MY SOUL’ by Beyonce, ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’ (any version), ‘Lady - Hear Me Tonight’ by Modjo, ‘The Best Things in Life Are Free’ by Sam Cooke & ‘Vienna’ by Billy Joel
The last few years, with Long Covid limiting my leaving the apartment and a teen who was navigating middle school, I’ve been ‘scheduling joy’ on our calendar for the whole year. I never used to plan activities so far ahead! Like scheduling spontaneity it sounds an odd phrase, but having something soul recharging to look forward to at regular intervals has made a difference for both of us. I’m adding these ideas you shared here to my list of things to do!